The first week I missed was the overlap between February and March. That's right people, as of 1 March 2012 I was welcome to have my first drink after a month of sobriety! I enjoyed three glasses of wine which very quickly went to my head. I was loving life! Then on Friday, 2 March, I proceeded to take my new-found drinking freedom to a whole new level..
14 drinks. That's how many I could remember from that Friday night. This included a mojito, french martini, ciders, gin & tonics, vodka/soda/limes, cowboy shots and God knows what else. In my defence, I consumed all of these bevvies over a period of 8 hours - averaging 1.75 drinks per hour. Not bad! What was bad however was when I entered all of this into my weight watchers tracker the next day..
Ohh, I should probably explain. On the coercion of my boss, I elected to join Weight Watchers Online for three months. I honestly record all of my food and drink consumed in a day - not like a "food diary" your trainer makes you do where you summarise those 13 tim tams down to "four chocolate squares". Every food/drink item is apportioned a points value and depending on your weight, age, height and physical activity levels, your individual daily points total is calculated. My original total was 34 points a day. Additionally, everyone is given 49 weekly points which can be used for special occasions (I've taken this to be my "wine points", allowing me just under 10 glasses a week).
So on the Saturday, I entered my points for Friday... 93 points. 93 POINTS!!! What the hell was I thinking?! Not only had I used all of my 34 daily points, I also used all of my 49 weekly points AND THEN SOME! Unbelievable. I couldn't believe what I had done. I felt rubbish for doing it, feeling like I had just undone all of my hard work. On a plus though, I was whipping out some killer dance moves on the floor and all without breaking (too much of) a sweat. I had not been out dancing in SO long because during my weight gain it became uncomfortable and embarrassing. When your Saturday night boogie becomes a three hour aerobics class due to your level of fitness, you know it's time to change something. Anything.
The full next week became punishment for my Friday night get down. It consisted of salad, tuna, porridge and eggs. Oh, and salad. More salad than I thought I could handle, but I did it. Then came the ultimate test: the scales. On March 9 2012, I officially weight 91.5kg - a total loss of 10.1kg!!! Hurrah! Most of you would have seen the proof in the pudding - a photo of the scales reflecting this weight loss. It was such a great feeling! I was over the moon (not physically, I'm not that light yet) and could finally start seeing the results from my self-inflicted torture!
And then the inevitable came. Once hitting my 10kg mark, I became complacent. Chocolate started to sneak in more frequently, my restaurant options were coming from my banned list and life began to settle into old habits again. Wine also was rearing its head more often then what I would normally allow. I tried so hard not to lose motivation between January and Feb all to piddle it up the wall in March. The week settled in and by weigh in time on Friday, 16 March, I was back to 93.0kg. All that hard work to get down to 91.5kg (excluding the Friday night - although that was some wicked dancing) had vanished right before me. Naturally this low led to more grazing, more calories and more foods that I had kicked to the curb. I was struggling to pull myself out of the lull and in all honesty, I'm still in it. Eating until I'm sickly full, eating more frequently than I need to and eating even though I'm still full from my last meal. It's awful.. and all I see is my 101.6kg emotional version of myself staring back at me.
Now you see why this was hard to post earlier. For the first time on this journey, I had bad news. Not losing any weight in a week was tough, but it has nothing on gaining weight. But I promised when I wrote this that I wouldn't sugar coat it or play it out to be something it's not. I could have glossed over these weeks by telling something funny that happened, but it wouldn't have been me being real. Basically this is up for everyone to read because it's just that - it's real. There are going to be times when it all becomes to hard and you want to give up. There are times when the scales don't read what you'd like them to read. But my promise to everyone who reads this is that I will pick myself back up (including all 1.5kg extra of me from last week) and I will get back on that bloody wagon of fatties. Because this isn't impossible and it isn't too hard. To anyone who continues to battle their weight just like me, acknowledge your tough times. Remember how it feels to not achieve what you want - because it's those moments that will mean the most when you finally reach your goal. Those are the moments that you overcame all of the negative for the sake of achieving your goal and even though everything was against you, you knew you were worthy of more. It's a matter of dedication and wanting better for yourself - no one else. I deserve to be unconditionally happy and I'm going to make that happen damnit!
Week 9
Starting weight: 101.6kg
Current weight: 91.5kg
Total weight lost: 10.1kg!!!!
Week 10
Starting weight: 101.6kg
Current weight: 93.0kg
Total weight lost: 8.6kg
